Late last night I was procrastinating and trying to expend the day’s final rays of energy so I could go to sleep, when I came across this; Meals Men Love – How to Catch a Man in 3 Courses.  Apart from the initial flinch at ‘how to catch a man’ and the subsequent ‘it’s just tongue in cheek for the purpose of sales’ self-soothing, I began to fear for my personal fulfillment of the social expectation I will catch a man if the way to do it is through a woo-worthy lasagne.

Yesterday the sum total of my food consumption was; scrambled eggs, a bowl of tinned fruit, two spoons of Nutella and a Cruskit. Dreadful, I know. Perhaps even nutritionally shameful. If I were in one of those ‘My Day on a Plate’ columns in glossy weekend lift-outs, the nutritionist would probably call me in for a personal chat and the editor would refuse to run my actual answers and instead make something up including ‘a handful of nuts’ and ‘protein packed salad’.

Look, there wasn’t too much culinary variety in the house, but there were certainly ample ingredients for something more exotic than tinned fruit. It’s just that I am not adept at creating exotic meals that are actually edible. Which means that, if the way to a man’s heart is through cooking, and the best present a man can receive is leftovers, I may have a slight problem in the game of Man Catching. I may even have to resort to working on a personality and a sense of humour in the event of my leftovers not being up to scratch. And when I say leftovers, I mean bitten Cruskits.

I felt a little miffed, to be honest. Not for the obvious reasons (like, wow, where do I start with the title/sentiments expressed in the article/gah) – but what about me? I love food. Love food. What about my heart and stomach? Why can’t the man/men I catch (through dubious means now that the most simple route of schnitzel has been ruled out) woo me with a moussaka or cheesecake? Women need to eat too, you know, despite what pop culture would have you believe. So can someone please get started on a book called something like Snag Your Woman With Meals That Don’t Underestimate Her Appetite and Love of Food. Catchy eh?